The Big Box Mom’s Club

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We all love a good big box store. Be it Walmart, Target or Costco you have those aisles memorized and know exactly where to go to get what you want. You can find pretty much anything you need in one store, and even more stuff that you don’t. These shopping giants are highly appreciated and frequented by Moms who know the appeal of not having to usher kids in and out of multiple stores. On any given visit you’re sure to find:

The Solo Mom: She did it. She broke free for the highly coveted sacred hour of shopping sans kids.  You can tell she’s a Mom by the look of pure exhilaration on her face and and the way she keeps turning her head suddenly as if looking for a missing kid. Her cart is filled with necessities she forgets on most other trips because of whining to visit the toy aisles and a couple guilt-gifts for the kids to make up for being left at home.

The Birthday Party Mom: It’s 15 minutes before a birthday party for which she found a crumpled invite an hour ago in her kids backpack. Standing in the toy aisle with a frantic look in her eyes she scans the birthday boy’s Mom’s Facebook for any hints of toy obsessions the kid might have. A look of “screw it” flashes across her face as she grabs playdough and a a coloring book and beelines it to the gift wrapping aisle. Her child marches complacently beside her with a look of fear in his eyes and “If you make one wrong move in here you’re not going” and “I can’t believe you knew about this for 2 weeks” ringing in his ears.

The Social Butterfly Mom: This mom came for toilet paper but stayed for the party. She knows someone in every aisle and stops to talk to each and every one of them. This is her only adult interaction for the week and she’s going to make the most of it. The kids graze on food samples and play with toys she’ll later put back on the shelf while Mom tells the story about her sisters-husband’s-cousins divorce for the 4th time to the lady that works at the post office.  4 hours later at home, she realizes they’re still out of toilet paper and there’s $50 of small items the kids stashed in the diaper bag that she accidentally stole.

The Ultimate Sale Shopper Mom: She hits the discount racks HARD. There’s no way she’s fitting herself and 2 kids into that tiny-ass fitting room. If that medium doesn’t fit her 5 year old it’ll fit the baby in 4 years. When she finds something for herself she tries it on over her clothes standing in the aisle while giving side-eye to anyone who glances her way. There is a palatable “This one is MINE” vibe in the air. This mom is the one who holds up the line while the cashier has to price check half her stuff because “The Sign Said…”. Your aggravation gives way to awe when she walks out of the store with $400 worth of stuff for $75.

The Essentials Mom: She has the best intentions of a quick one-stop-shop. She marches through the aisles with determination and fresh-out-of-school children on short legs struggling to keep up behind her. Her list includes dinner ingredients and Popsicle sticks for a school project due tomorrow that she just heard about. “I just came in for 3 things!” you can hear her whisper in bewilderment, as she wheels an overflowing cart out the door.

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